As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female.

Recently, a group of computer scientists announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their top five reasons for drawing this conclusion were:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. The message “Bad command or file name” is about as informative as, “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly not going to tell you.”

4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their top five reasons were:

1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.

2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.

3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

Just say “Fees!”

His lips are moving.

Robert: A cockroach.

G-d: Why?

Robert: Because my wife is scared of bugs!

Sam: Does he smoke?

Fred: No, he doesn’t.

Sam: Does he drink whiskey?

Fred: No, he doesn’t.

Sam: Does he ever come home late?

Fred: No, he doesn’t.

Sam: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

Fred: He will be six months old next Wednesday.